Keep Me Dreaming
by Kalus
Summary: "Do not forget me...and do not forget my kiss. It was a lover's kiss." Kikyo/Inu-yasha


AUTHOR'S NOTE: I noticed that there weren't that many fics about Kikyo in general and so I decided I might as well try. Kikyo is such a special character as she plays such a large role not only as a protagonist but as an antagonist. Kagome too plays such a role and in a sense moreso than Kikyo. They are both remarkable characters but it seems more people find reasons to hate the miko than the teenage schoolgirl. I'll be the first to admit that Inu-yasha is badly in love with Kagome…but it can hardly be denied the opposite holds true as well. Have fun reading and feel free to comment as much as you wish.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inu-yasha…but I do own the DVD. Does that make Sunrise feel better?

**Inu-Yasha:**

**Keep Me Dreaming**

The moment when all his dreams and hopes came tumbling down upon themselves. Fifty years sealed to that tree…Inu-Yasha averted his eyes. Fifty years…to a youkai that should be nothing. But those fifty years had been worse than dying. Sometimes, he would wake up in a cold sweat, almost screaming…feeling an arrow's shaft bury into his heart and his chest burning on the outside but frozen on the inside.

Time had frozen for him. But for everyone else, time had refused to end. Little Kaede was now older and wiser than he was. The village had changed, with a new generation populating the fields and tending the old, which were once the young.

Inu-yasha placed his hand on the scored trunk where the arrow had pierced his body and embedded itself on the wood. The moment where the woman he had learned to love became the woman he learned to hate. It was almost more than he could bear. The cruel irony of fate was still not done tormenting him…he had been reborn when Kagome had broken the seal…and Kikyo had been reborn from mud and bones.

Once again, they found themselves upon opposite sides. 

The night sky promised dawn soon. Inu-yasha almost sighed with relief as he smiled bemusedly at his black hair. The first new moon of the month reverted himself to his weaker, human form. But the village had remained quiet. Kagome was still asleep with Shippo whereas Miroku was once again prancing off to find a woman to pass down his contaminated bloodline.

This was his family…those people…it was where he belonged. 

But it wasn't the only possibility. Things could've been different…they could have.

Staring at his weak, fragile hands…imbued with the mortality of humanity, Inu-yasha wondered what Kikyo had seen in this form…and why he had been so willing to accept it. For so long, ever since he had been old enough to learn of the legends of the Shikon no Tama, he had sworn to use its powers to attain his true demonic form. To become powerful…and in some form or another, to attain an identity.

Neither human.

Neither youkai.

Hanyou…corrupted bloodline…dirty blood…

But Kikyo had wanted him to be human. Had told him whenever they were alone that once she no longer had to protect the Shikon no Tama that they could be together. She had spoken briefly of having children, or perhaps of traveling together and exploring the world. Of watching the seasons change and on spring mornings, waking up early to watch the dew gather on the sakura blossoms. Her face would light up with that glowing smile when she found herself talking of old age and even dying together. 

Those pretty visions of the future…those wonderful prophecies…it didn't matter if they came true or not…but it meant he could be with Kikyo forev…no…nothing lasted forever. But if he had Kikyo by his side, it wouldn't have to be forever. A human life would be more than he could hope for…or ever need.

He said he had died hating her. That his love burned away when he found himself betrayed. He had lied…without Kikyo…it didn't matter. This weakness…this foolish love was the product of this weak human shell. 

Those dreams had ended. Kikyo and him could be close forever now…but they might as well by miles away. Kagome was no replacement for Kikyo…Kagome was Kagome… her place in his heart was still uncertain…he didn't understand them himself. So much like Kikyo…but so much like not. Special…undoubtedly…Kagome was someone…as close as anyone really…that he had ever allowed to get so close to him. It was only just that she be the reincarnation of the miko. It was perhaps fates way of reminding him as well. He had opened up to her…in a way he couldn't with Kikyo…in a way that was unique between them. A bond different from anything he had felt before.

"You're thinking about her. Aren't you Inu-yasha?"

That voice…the voice that had haunted both his dreams and nightmares. Turning around, his eyes widened as he whispered softly, "K…Kikyo?"

The last time they had met, he had almost been dragged to hell if it had not been for Kagome. In this mortal frame, he had no chance…and Kagome was fast asleep in Kaede's hovel...unable to save him this time. Inu-yasha could feel his muscles tensing as adrenaline rushed through his veins. Human or no human, he would not sell his life cheaply.

It almost broke his heart when he realized it was to Kikyo he was referring to.

Because, by god she was still beautiful. Her eyes were dead slate and the sad refrain seemed to permeate her entire body. But the oh so familiar curve of her chin…the small hands that notched an arrow so effortlessly, the smooth contours of her hips that swelled softly up her chest. She was still as beautiful as the woman he had fallen so badly in love with.

Kikyo's eyes widened slightly as she realized something. "Inu-yasha…you're human…" Her face broke into a bitter smile. "Of course. You're a hanyou…you're youkai blood must diminish this night." She lifted her head towards the sky. "The first night where the moon does not shimmer in the night sky…" 

Inu-yasha's teeth set against each other as his fist clenched together. "Kikyo…"

Kikyo whispered, "This night…this very night was one of the happiest in my life. It was supposed to be my last night alone…at dawn, you were supposed to meet me here." Her voice sounded pained as a wretched chuckle shook her shoulders. "We were going to be together Inu-yasha…fate it seems…is not without its cruelties."

Inu-yasha took a deep breath as he averted his eyes. "I remember…I remember it well Kikyo. How could I forget? I'm surprised you didn't."

Walking up to the tree, Kikyo ran a hand over the bark. "Of course I would remember Inu-yasha. I loved you. I loved you enough to even contemplate a future as a woman. If anything else, it serves to fuel my hatred of you even more. Loving you cost much more than I could have dreamed."

Even without his youkai powers, Kikyo's warm, familiar smell enveloped his senses. It made him light and dizzy…like it always did. So much like Kagome's…but more defined…mature. A woman's scent. As a human, Inu-yasha found it almost overpowering. 

Noticing his tense posture and the way his hand slowly inched up the sheath of his demonic blade, Kikyo asked quietly, "Are you going to strike me down Inu-yasha? I hold no love for you within this hollowed shell. The only thing I remember is my hatred." Her eyes bored into his soul. "Death…is only a blessing I can dream of."

With an anguished cry, Inu-yasha tore the sword away from the sash at his side and threw it into the underbrush. Pulling Kikyo into his arms, he rasped against her ear, "Don't speak of us like that. I never wanted to betray you…I could never kill you Kikyo. Even if you hate me now…I still love you."

Standing motionless in his embrace, Kikyo murmured, "I had a dream like this…exactly like this. You would be holding me…and like now…you were human. So defenseless… without your youkai powers…but still you wanted to be here. You would be telling me you loved me…and I was crying tears of happiness."

"Then cry…"

"I cannot. I have no human body. Mud does not cry. My charred bones do not feel your warmth." She placed her hands on his chin exactly the way she had done so before, "I could kill you now…and you could not do a thing to stop me."

Letting his arms drop to his sides, Inu-yasha bowed his head. "Then go on…what are you waiting for. Kikyo…I couldn't stop you now, and I couldn't stop you fifty years ago."

Titling his head up, Kikyo spoke softly, "There will be more time for that. I did not come here to kill you." She looked at the tree. "I came here to pay respects to a past that ended too soon. I will not sully this moment with your blood."

"What are you thinking about…Kikyo…?"

"Stay by me…and I will tell you."

***

They sat side-by-side, leaning on the base of the tree, feeling the soft grass beneath and the cool wind above. Almost unconsciously, there shoulders brushed and nudged against each other's.

"Staying here like this…being with you…as if in a dream." Kikyo scrunched her feet against her chest. "When this dream ends, I will kill you. To appease my soul that hated you for your betrayal."

"I never betrayed you Kikyo."

"Knowing that brings me no solace. If I had known that sooner, I could have died in peace. But this dark heart I possess now recoils at the sight of you alive. When I died…" She scoffed, "When I died Inu-yasha…did you know I was still thinking of you? I was thinking that we would meet in hell…and from that realm of eternity…I could learn to love you again."

Inu-yasha averted his eyes. "From hell? Why would you of all people end up in hell?"

Kikyo whispered, "Because that is where I knew I would find you."

Inu-yasha shook his head. "This world now is hell. People die and die again. Youkai end with the same fate."

"You're more handsome as a human than as a youkai though…Inu-yasha." Kikyo had an intense gaze on her face as she stared hard at Inu-yasha's face. She repeated, "Much more handsome."

Blushing with self-awareness, Inu-yasha shook his head and scowled. "Don't say things like that."

Kikyo nodded. "Your eyes have gotten softer…and the tone in your voice has mellowed. How happy the real Kikyo would have been if she saw you now. How happy she would have been if she had been the one to have done so…" She broke her gaze. "All it does is bring me pain…everything about you brings me pain."

"I didn't mean for it to be like that Kikyo…"

"Indeed. I was the foolish one…we are too alike." Her voice grew bitter. "I can watch all the changes that come on your face…but the only changes I bring are sadness and anger. That other girl has changed you…in some ways I still feel envy. Maybe envy…"

Inu-yasha spoke with bitterness as well. "If I had not been deceived…if I had saved you…I would have seen you smile from the bottom of your heart. The fifty years you sealed me upon that tree…even though I was not alive for those years…they were the longest I could remember."

"That girl…she does mean more to you than I did." Kikyo placed a hand on her chest as she shook her head. "How can a memory compete against life?"

"You are a part of Kagome's soul, Kikyo…loving her is the same as loving you."

Kikyo's eyes widened as she gripped her head in shock and fear. "Don't say that Inu-yasha! NEVER say that…" Her shrill voice died down as her breathing grew back to normal. "Even in my shell now, it chills me to whatever soul I have left."

"Doushite…?"

"I am different from that girl. But that is what you want isn't it? To make Kagome and Kikyo the same person? You can never forget me Inu-yasha! NEVER!" Her voice carried a note of fear along with repressed hope. "It would mean that Kikyo was really dead. If I cannot even live in your memory…what chance do I have to live here…now…at this moment."

And suddenly, Kikyo was the same woman he had seen for the first time fifty years ago. Without the lines of her hatred creasing her eyes and the sadness of a betrayal he did not commit. Hunched against the wind with her miko robes fluttering in the wind, she seemed so small and frail…as if she might be blown away into the night. 

The night was oddly silent. As if time had stopped…and with it the moment could freeze forever. Even the odd wind had died down. Hesitating a moment, Inu-yasha leaned over and tipped her chin up to meet his. Her eyes were sad…always sad…but if only for now, had lost some of the bitterness of hate that had tore at his soul. Lowering his head, he kissed her softly. A brief kiss…more of a faint touch of their lips. He murmured softly to her, "I wish I had done that fifty years ago…"

Kikyo didn't resist. "I would have prayed for it."

Pulling her against him as she rested her head on his shoulder, Inu-yasha whispered to her, "But now…now is too late."

Sliding her arms around his waist, Kikyo buried her head into his red kimono. "Yes. When this is all over…you will leave me for that girl…and I will leave you to kill you. I find no happiness here…but my hate for you is replaced by my sadness." She stroked his cheek and gazed into his eyes. "For now, that will have to do."

It was oddly reminiscent of their last meeting…when Kikyo had tried to trick him into following her to hell. But he was still so foolish…if it wasn't for Kagome…wasn't for the strange feelings she evoked…what would he have done? His eyes wavered. Would he have followed this woman to hell?

Kikyo asked sincerely, "Are you thinking about that girl…even now?"

Inu-yasha had to be honest. "These days…she is all I ever think about now. I don't even understand it. Whenever I'm with her…it reminds me of when I was with you." He scoffed. "This human side is making me so sentimental…"

Kikyo interrupted as her eyes silenced Inu-yasha. "We would leave this small village…and perhaps travel across the mountains to where the horizon ends. With the Shikon no Tama purified, I would have no reason to stay. Along the way, we would help those in suffering…in need. You wouldn't be a hanyou…you would be a normal man…and I would be your wife. If we ever grew tired of traveling, we would find a place just for us. Far away from any painful memory but close enough to never forget them. I might be a mother…we might earn a living selling medicine…and when our children grew up and left the nest…when their children had their children…you would still be with me so I would never be alone. To you…to only you, I would be a woman." She sighed as she traced the outline of his face. Letting her hand drop to her lap she shook her head. "Those were parts of a dream I once had. A future just for us…did that girl ever think that far? Did she cherish these naive thoughts so close to her heart that it was worse than dying when she realized they would never come to pass Inu-yasha? Did she ever desire as much as I did to be a woman?"

"I…I do not know…" Inu-yasha shook his head. "I do not know…"

Kikyo whispered softly…it was more a plead than a question. "When you looked at me Inu-yasha…what did you see?"

"I saw this." He gripped her tightly against him. "I didn't want your dreams if they were impossible Kikyo…I only wanted you. Only you. Even if it meant never being a youkai."

"Then come with me to hell. My soul is weakening…it requires more effort to move this sham body. Soon, I know I shall stop and die again. When I die…my soul will revert back to that girl…and you will forget me." As if fearing it was already happening, Kikyo gripped the front of his robe tightly in her hands as she leaned against him. "Even if I say this simply because I wish to see your death, there is a part of me that requests this simply because it still loves you. You too should be dead…and Inu-yasha does not fear death. Come with me…right now…let's leave this world and be together. Put my soul to rest and let me love you forever."

It was on the tip of Inu-yasha's tongue to say yes…to end this madness and agree to easing not only his pain but also her pain. It hurt…almost physically hurt to see Kikyo holding on the lapels of his red kimono as if it was all she had left. It hurt that no matter what he could say…things wouldn't change. That only his death could free Kikyo.

This world…this world refused to allow them to be together. But to be together, with her, was once…and still was…his dream.

But he knew what was holding him back. Sango and her strange, sarcastic demeanor. Miroku and all his perversions…even that little brat Shippo and his punk attitude. And of course Kagome…his…woman? Perhaps. It was for that future girl he could stand lowering his pride and save worthless human lives…it was for her that he could swing the Tetsuaiga…without her…he had no one to protect.

Kikyo was a miko…a holy priestess who exorcised youkai. A person born to hate his kind. He was a hanyou…it never could've worked…it…it….

It did. She was a miko looking to be a woman. He was a hanyou looking to be a youkai… they were too similar not to have fallen in love. Too similar.

This Kikyo was not that miko…this Kikyo was the one who hated him, was the one who had tried to kill Kagome, was the one that had given the Shikon no Tama shards to Naruka. This Kikyo smelled like wet dirt and charred ashes. He had asked himself where was his Kikyo…where?

It was not here. Not in this life.

"I can't…" He whispered hoarsely. Living…had a purpose. Living meant being with Kagome… "I'm sorry."

Kikyo's face froze in almost inarticulate sadness. She whispered, "If I could do so…I would cry…even if it wouldn't change a thing I would cry even if it meant drowning the world." Her hands loosened from his lapels as she began to turn away.

Inu-yasha didn't let her go. Clasping her hands to his he said fervently, "Kikyo…we were not meant to be together in this world…nothing can change that. But if we were meant to be together in the next world…would you wait for me? Would you wait for me Kikyo?"

Kikyo's face softened at his words. Holding his hand against her cheek and keeping it there, she said, "I waited five hundred years before passing on to the next reincarnation… do you expect me to wait that long again?"

"It wouldn't be five hundred years Kikyo…"

Kikyo leaned her face closely to Inu-yasha's until their foreheads touched and she could feel his breath on her cheek. Staring into his golden eyes she whispered, "No…because it will not take five hundred years for me to assemble the Shikon no Tama and send Naruka and the jewel to hell. On that day, whether you like it or not…I will take you to hell with me as well." She tilted her head and brushed a lock of his hair from his brow. "Does it sound so bad to you?"

Inu-yasha looked away. "Feh…no one could make me do what I don't want to do. Not even you Kikyo." The scoff died on his lips as he asked her, "Kikyo…why are you so sure it will be in hell that we meet? How could being with you be hell?"

Kikyo smiled ruefully. "Why indeed." She closed her eyes and leaned hard into his body, letting her hands wrap tightly into the black folds of his human hair. With a desire she didn't even know she possessed anymore, she kissed him. It was not the kiss of the young miko that died so long ago or like the chaste kiss they had shared before. It was the kiss of a woman that loved a man. A lover's kiss.

Kikyo's scent, strong before, now filled all of Inu-yasha's senses. Even more than just her scent. It was the way she seemed to be half-lying on him with her hands entangled in his hair. It was his hands that crushed her against his chest, which was fully aware of her soft hips and chest pressing against the fabric of his kimono. It was the taste of fifty years of bitterness and hatred bleeding into his skin…his soul. The kiss…it was not warm…and Kikyo's body was cold from the night sky. But he ignored it…ignored the fact that he was a human…ignored the fact that Kagome might be waking up and dawn was approaching…ignored the ever-present smell of death and dirt.

Those were easy to ignore. Instead he concentrated on Kikyo until only the feel, the taste, and scent engulfed his vision. For this was a dream. In the morning, this would all be gone…

Kikyo could feel it as well. The air of desperation in his kiss seemed to match her own… a part of Kikyo that she did not know was there. This night would end…and Inu-yasha would return to the girl. But for this night…and this moment she wanted only her to be in his thoughts. She wanted her essence to race through his veins and burn in his memory.

For tonight, Inu-yasha was hers. And for now, it was more than she could hope for.

***

The dream ended too soon…and dawn arrived too early. Kikyo watched Inu-yasha slumber peacefully against the sacred tree, sleeping off the incantation she had placed on him. She had wanted to stay…wanted it so badly. But she knew that if she had not stopped herself there, she would never had let him go.

What Inu-yasha had said…was all true. Destiny forbade them from being together upon this mortal coil. The next life however, was hers. The girl Kagome kept Inu-yasha's heart upon this plane…but Inu-yasha's life was hers…she would not give it to anyone else. Inu-yasha had changed, but whether they met in heaven or hell, she would be the one melting his heart. 

Contrary to what she said, she would wait forever for that time. Kagome had a mortal life to be with the hanyou…but Kikyo could wait forever for her chance at an eternity. If her soul failed before she could kill Inu-yasha, than she would wait. Even if her nightmares were realized and Inu-yasha forgot about her, she would wait.

She whispered into his ear, "Don't forget me Inu-yasha…and do not forget my kiss. It was a lover's kiss…when our souls meet again, we will share another one. I promise you. As I wait for you…wait for me as well."

Stepping away, she let the soul snatchers curl around her body and carry her away. When Inu-yasha awoke, she was already gone.

But the scent…the moment…let it live forever.

[**_Translations_**]:

youkai: demon

hanyou: half-demon

miko: holy priestess 

[**_But you knew that anyway!_**]

[EPILOGUE]

_I wonder…where I am…I feel so…light…_Lying aimlessly on the branch of the tree, Inu-yasha held his hand out in front of his face. His hands were smooth without the callous marks and the strain of years swinging the Tetsuaiga. A thousand battles and countless more wounds did not leave their mark on his body…he felt young…

Looking at his sash, the demonic blade was not there, a constant weight and reminder of his battles. Shaking his head, he couldn't find the effort to care. Letting his arms dangle to the side, he took a deep breath and enjoyed the familiar sweet scent. It was clean…it smelled of life…of renewal. Turning his head, he smiled at the woman waiting for him at the base of the tree. "Hello Kikyo."

Kikyo stared up at him with her pale, gray eyes. Her eyes grew misty as tears gathered in her eyes and coursed down her cheeks, splashing against the green grass below. _He remembered…_ Smiling, she took a step forward and held out her arms. "Hello…Inu-yasha."

And the dream shattered and became reality.


End file.
